Several years ago, author Maddox told a co-worker that one of the pictures in her office cubicle sucked. She took offence and brought it to his attention that it was drawn by her 4-year-old nephew. It changed nothing. In fact, it only strengthened his resolve to go out and ruthlessly grade Crappy Children’s Art

Covering all the classic themes from zoo animals and superheroes to “things that scare you” and “my family.” Maddox casts his critical gaze over these scribbled crayon abominations and reviews them with pointed and brutally hilarious honesty. 

“When Peter Parker created his alter ego to strike fear into the hearts of criminals, I doubt “spread eagled with a constipated expression” is what he had in mind.”

“This gave me the eye equivalent of a nosebleed.”

“A giant “cleaning” robot with soap-laser beams, broom arms, and dust-cleaner eyes? Good job, I’ll take two.”

“If any alien doesn’t have one eye, it has to have three. There’s an unspoken rule that when drawing aliens, the number of eyes must be an odd number. Yet for some reason, aliens never seem to have one arm or three.”

  • 19

    Discuss or Comment