STINGS THE NOSTRILS…IN A GOOD WAY!
- 60% of the time, it works every time
- Made with bits of real panther
- Illegal in nine countries
- It smells like desire (or a used diaper filled with Indian food)
According to Anchorman’s Brian Fantana, Sex Panther Cologne is illegal in nine countries. It’s also made with bits of real panther* and 60% of the time, it works every time. We’re not sure if any of that is true but we do know this formidable, fictional-until-now fragrance is more macho than a tankard of sweat soup garnished with chest wigs and V8s.
Quite honestly, if you don’t get lucky wearing Sex Panther we can only assume you’ve got a face like a bucket of smashed crabs. Or something like that. Women will be reduced to slobbering heaps of desire once they get a whiff, so don’t even try wearing it if you’re not manly. A moustache helps too.
So what does Sex Panther actually smell of? Well despite the claims of Ron Burgundy’s colleagues, it doesn’t smell like a t**d covered in burnt hair or a used diaper filled with Indian food.
In a nutshell it smells like desire. And it’s really rather delightful. Imagine wearing a midnight black t-shirt with a wolf airbrushed on the front and a shark arm-wrestling a Sherman tank on the back. Well it’s like that but in cologne form.
Despite its potency, Sex Panther can be applied like regular fragrance but regular users (ie: us) recommend applying it by the handful to any exposed skin and then pouring a generous amount down the front of the pants*. After all, romance is the only sport that requires two balls. Rrrrr!
If you haven’t already twigged (durr, Earth calling Mr Gullible), Sex Panther is a rather tongue-in-cheek product. But it’s beautifully presented in a fabulously ill-judged retro bottle and it might just give you the confidence to strut around the office in true Anchorman style. So what are you waiting for? Whack that Buy button and let’s go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
* Not really.